cold water surrounds me now.

so now this is going to happpen...

i've had a falling out with someone who i thought was my best friend for the past two years or so. overcoming the hurt and pain in my heart of realizing what all of it really was required me to take a stand and to really figure out what it is to act Christ-like. it really opened my eyes because it was harder than i would've hoped it to be, to stand tall and act as Christ would/would want me to. i just don't want to feel like i have to throw away every reminder, i want to cherish what we had, but i have to know that she does, before i can.

and now it hurts, but it's getting better day by day. and there's this family i have, my loving sisters who get teary-eyed knowing i'm hurting, knowing my courage and my love was damaged. and there's my brother who talked with me all the way home from church, first time in months it seems, we've always been best friends. he's the one that really made me realize alot, y'know acting Christ-like, he pointed out i wasn't acting like who i am, who i know i can be. and there's my momma, the reason i believe to this day that i was sent to this family, i tell her everything, and she does nothing but support every word. and there's my old friends, who have always been there, despite how rarely we talk anymore, they're there. and there's my new friends, who i'm so excited to grow old with, because we are old, when we have dinner parties on saturday nights.
my LOVE is NOT taken for granted.

no more panics. no more pain. this is not my life.

baby, i want to go home.