28 February 2006

i'm moving to vienna.

there are really few things in this world i tend to despise, here are a few: overdressing on what you think will be a rainy day, then the sun bakes on your huge wool sweater causing you to sweat on your way to class, a.k.a. my confused body parts dont know if its cold or hot outside; judge shows/maury povich, daytime t.v. in general is of the devil; and finally afternoon naps that are supposed to last 30 minutes max, but drag on for 2 hours.

feeling groggy and somewhat washed up, it's 5:10 in the evening and the sun is still outside, i know what this means, summer is coming, or at the least, spring.

21 in one week. oh where has the time gone.

27 February 2006

a witness.

i am blessed.

torrential down-pour. the streets were like glass reflecting beautiful color after beautiful color. the slowest of slow times at work. if only they knew (or cared) why i keep skipping today. soggy socks, a wet nose, feet heaters are of the gods. nobody at school, nobody in the store, funny how Southern California shuts down on these days.

i am tired, i am sore, i am thirsty, i am restless, i am loved. and i love.

photo cred: me, rte. 101, feb 2006

25 February 2006

we are always more than our pain.

There's something depressing about eating an orange ,standing in your kitchen, alone. I'm sick of being alone.

So those little 6th grade insecurities of mine showed their heads when they began discussing bowling, which I was never invited to, which I'm never invited to, not that I would go, but I really thought they liked me.

Naked ladies in the bathroom, receipts thrown at me, 60 something men hitting on me, getting off early because my manager has compassion on my soul...all in a days work.

I mean, we've had crushes before, but "nothing this severe."

Tomorrow the sun will shine again, on us.

Photo Cred: Me, Silver Strand, CA feb 2006

24 February 2006

9 to 5:30.

an overwhelming sense of joy in my heart. i can feel it in my bones! He knows who we are. pushing me out of bed before the sun teetered over the mountain, an adrenaline rush at 6am. my battery ran out but it didn't matter. my head was consumed with joyful thoughts.

i ran out of cotton candy, so i've turned to an older strawberry, i can't stop licking my lips. ick.

faithfulness. that's a simple word. alot like love.

coca-cola. i love you.

22 February 2006

The Refining Fire

theres sand in my pen today...making it a little more diffucult than usual.

grapefruit juice is of the gods. kings of convenience and my ear phones really are hurting my wittle ears today. i bet the cayman islands are nice today.

i am sitting next to the most gorgeous pink gardenia i think i've ever seen. thanks frank.

"The blessings of eternity will surely come to those who endure refining, as the Lord himself taught, "He only is saved who endureth unto the end." I testify that Jesus is the Christ and the Divine Redeemer. He lives! His are the sweet words of eternal life."
-James E. Faust

there's a pain in there today. i said it, it came out, now i know why. i havent been making sure, i havent been true to myself. i have to keep reading it, i cant do this alone.

this is just in: humans were made to reproduce.

21 February 2006

come home.

what do you mean its under-developed but has some potential?? english papers, pshh.

sandy beach, lots of blankets and a literature book. sure, we got some studying done. Sunsets are always better in Port Hueneme.

it's winter again. a happy warm home again. this fall has become a reality.

"...and let thy love abound unto all men, and unto all who love My name."
somewhere in 2 Nephi.

life may suck until Sunday comes again.

20 February 2006

20 degrees.

"with these things there's no tellin, we just have to wait and see. but i'd rather be workin for a paycheck than waitin to win the lottery, besides maybe this time its different, i mean i really think you like me."

woke up to a crinkly-crankle and soft hum of a boy playing the piano in his home. the snow outside was glistening from the blue sky. our cold breath and i couldnt do anything but watch him struggle to get us home. success and cold hands down a familiar hill.

current obsessions: strawberry yogurt and Rob's Cape Honey Wheat Pretzels. that is all.

17 February 2006


do you ever eat a whole apple and then think...where'd the sticker go?

a whole box of conversation hearts will make you sick.

baja fresh and two bowls of ice cream will too.

running, thinking of one and one only, knealing on the side of the road, eyes clenched tight. i love being a woman. this one wouldve been healthy i just know it.

Photo cred: me, J.Paul Getty museum fall 2005

the Getty in the sun-shiny spring, i am going there someday.

10 February 2006

penguin love.

something so precious, so undisturbed. absolutely amazing. changed my outlook on things, my perspective on life on this planet. almost as good as duck love, almost.

3 amazing youngin's to brighten my somewhat gloomy day at work today. as i turned to see two chubby identical blue-eyed faces looking at me, my uterus skipped a beat.

claim jumper+my momma+penguins=best friday night in a long time.


Been beat up and battered 'round
Been sent up, and I've been shot down
You're the best thing that I've ever found
Handle me with care

Reputations changeable
Situations tolerable
Baby, you're adorable
Handle me with care

I'm so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Won't you show me that you really care

Everybody's got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on

funny how true this is ringing in my ear.

pretty petite flowers, sun through the windows. summer, come here.

08 February 2006

oh my gosh, when you cross your legs beside me.

"you get back in bed and come back when you can notice the rose in the vase instead of the dust on the table." what a great momma.

there's so much love in today. congratulations to friends soon to be sharing the rest of their eternities together. again, i can't think of anything better.

can't wait for tomorrows laughs and sunshine. come home.

Photo cred: Richardson; Lanai, HI 1996

06 February 2006

handle me with care.

So many laughs, but she didn't really say anything funny, did she? True friends sharing laughs and looks.
"Everyone, may i introduce the most beautiful woman in the world, MY wife!" -Frank
Malicious attempts by those i love. thank you for being so happy for me.

"And it's a simple situation now that we became us; there ain't no rust on the happiness bus"

natural highs are the best.

Photo: Kasmauski "Boyd Family"

04 February 2006


Congratulations to Ben and Carmen! To be sealed for time and all eternity March 11th, i can't think of anything greater right now.

"Love and obsessive-compulsive disorder could have a similar chemical profile. Translation: Love and mental illness may be difficult to tell apart. Translation: Don't be a fool. Stay away."

Painted my brains out tonight. Talked to two people i miss greatly. Managed to be incredibly distracted by the OCD of my paintbrush both times. I like that he can tell these things about me.

Photo by Kasmauski "A shoulder to lean on" South Caroline 1994...another reason to live in the South.

03 February 2006

a valentine for my soul.

seem to be having security issues lately. so secure about my testimony, my heart, my friendships, my school. so insecure about myself; make-up hasn't been right, hairs been all wrong. then last night as i was lying down on my perfect bed, in my perfect home with my perfect cat by my side. and it was like revelation. that's all the adversary has on me right now, so it's been magnified 20 fold it seems. "Is that all you've got?!" i thought and slept soundly knowing this is a gift of God. the knowledge, the power.

i smiled alot today...knowing who i am. and who i'm striving to always be like...Him.

01 February 2006

What kind of bird you are?

I believe there are few people in this world that we meet, within which lies a deep connection of our two souls. This friendship cannot be learned or gradually gained. It's like art, you can learn all the skills, but without talent you have nothing. This connection you are born with. And I'm embracing every moment of it.
I work with a lady who was born in Bulgaria, she went to medical school and is a trained neurologist...and she is now living in Southern California working at Kohl's due to the fact that her schooling is no good in America. She is a genius. We take our lunches together and she tells me of her country and the love they share there in their now ex-communist times. She makes me laugh harder than most people I know, with her whit and bluntness, she has no fear, no shame, she will tell you as it is. "What kind of bird you are?" she asked a co-worker of ours who was dressed as a 20s flapper with feathers in her hair on Halloween. She takes joy in art and I take joy in her love for it. She is teaching me day by day to be who I want to be, love who I want to love, live my life while I am young and to not marry until I'm 30. I love this woman, I'm sure I always will. She tells me to move to Chicago and "live in the arts"...we shall see. When I told her of my possibility of moving to Long Beach to stay close with family and friends, she almost seemed dissappointed in me...the look on her face still strikes my heart.

I seemed to be inspired after I talk on the phone with him. This is good.

73 degrees faranheit.

sometimes i think my lips look like fakes. i always make faces and when i look at the picture or look in a mirror its never what i think i'm doing...and today it was a revelation, its my lips, theyre ginormous. but i think they're nice. not going to lie, i like that black part of me.

people making friends with others or striking up a conversation in classes...99% of the time they are complaining and expect me to join in. but i love that class. be true to yourself for once.

this place is so lovely, it kinda makes me very happy.