26 October 2006

where the sun had been

can you even believe it's fall already? i can. what a perfect day it was to sit under a tree that was pooping on me, studying art history and listening to Mozart in the dry cool breeze heat of this october day. perfect concentration weather.

tonight i got home and ate an avocado for dinner than headed off to the grocery store to simply look clueless the entire time. who knew baking could be so complicated. well when you're baking for the estimated 100+ people to show up at our little home tomorrow, some stress may be necessary. i hope everyone cleans up their messes and i come home to everything ready. we'll lock our door for sure.

and if i could make one wish come true right now, it would be for this frustration to end. a pleasant yet aggravating surprise last night, on his little skateboard down the street and then sitting so far away. it's almost like the fact that this would be worth it, that is making me stand across the room. quiet as ever.

halloween starts tomorrow. i will live my dream for one evening...shhhh they'll think i'm joking.

20 October 2006

whole lotta walkin' to do.

for some reason melted peanut butter is one of my favorite foods. not cold. no, melted. reminds me of sophmore year, my mom used to pick me up from seminary and take me straight to school, she'd bring me a pb&j on toast with a travel mug full of a protein drink every morning. the pb was always plentiful and still warm. i bet you if i added whipping cream and put it in a pan i could make peanut butter fondue, right next to some nutella fondue, and that my friend is perfect dessert party status. i miss the food network.

midterms. right up until this point i really didn't think Long Beach was all that different from Moorpark. and what's even more odd is how relieved i am to figure out how wrong i was.

listening to Something Corporate when i should really blah blah blah....listen the point is this. this song takes me back to that one fourth of july when we sat on the roof of the parking structure with hundreds others of T.O.'s finest playing frisbee and eating otter pops. that's what the summers were about, and 5 new friends and my favorite green day sweatshirt. i don't know what it is that gets me so nostalgic whenever i hear andrew mcmahon's voice. and not to mention the countless disneyland and orange county trips, because we hated the LA scene, now i just love it all. i've given up on hating people/things.

happy 10 years Lake Forest Antiques, you will bring me headaches tomorrow, but after work will be rewarding enough, roommates and new friends. remember, i gave that other thing up. they're so lovely!

i think i've already made up my mind about what to do, shop or museum, but i'll keep the job.

13 October 2006

fall, i almost loved you.

maybe i still can. the warm wind and the booming clouds gathering in between of beautiful sunlight, we just watched from inside as it all seemed to slowly creep in. and the drive home was be-a-u-tiful! i had never felt so small before. but as soon as i hit home, the rain, oh the RAIN! huge puddles everywhere, afraid to drive everywhere, parked in a lake and tromped inside to find the ceiling leaking onto our couch, and as i stood doing dishes and making myself an actual meal the lightning struck and the thunder roared...do you think my momma will come spend the night with me?

but rainy nights are really good to get homework done, i have absolutely no desire to be outside, or out of my house but inside still, doing something. socializing. having that infamous HB talk. so burnt out. plus portfolio reviews and midterms are coming up. let's be a good student kari. oh man nights and days like this make me want to go to a museum so bad.

and ohhh the blessing my new job has become, you know what happened today? my boss, aka Dennie, sat down with me and told me that i don't have to ever work sundays unless something comes up with her and she needs to go out of town or something etc. i hugged her and told her she had no idea how much that meant to me. i still don't think she does. everyones warming up to me, slowly yet surely i will have that place organized. bring it.

i saw her yesterday and we talked and it was so wonderful, she laughed at my jokes and i knew what she was thinking and it was all so familiar. "i miss you kari lynn." oh she has no idea how much i yearn for her. my arms tend to ache like a new mothers do for her newborn child. just come here. and the long hug goodbye and the tears in our eyes, we should meet weekly. it's decided, she's my best friend. i would go anywhere with her, anyday and i'd do it all for her in a heartbeat. the least i could do. momma i love you.

i finally got my death cab/jenny lewis tickets in the mail today. phew.

10 October 2006

happy halloweenie you weenie.

i have found myself absolutely shocked to realize that it is now weird to me that i used to be her best friend. that we used to be so close. she seems like a complete stranger to me now. is that really her i used to go visit at work and get so excited to hang out with and spend days on end getting lost with and being sarcastic with. was that really her i bought jamba juice for puffy cheeks and spent hours in starbucks with? really?

i spent the evening in the 99 cents store and target buying halloween/fall decorations! yay! i find so much pleasure in being by myself listening to modest mouse decorating this newish home. and last night, i just watched, and it was fabulous. no longer afraid to be alone. thats why it was so pleasant earlier this evening, its all making sense.

that life, that life i had. full of 45 min. school/best friend trips and meeting at jamba before class when we really started to become strangers. that life of full-time kohl's with david and shelley and momma everynight to cry on and trev to chat art with. that life....it's gone. for good. not sure how i feel about this one.

08 October 2006

urban tees.

protect that shake dresden. you go girl.

"this whole thing seems strange to me, breaks my heart...to know what that means, it means nothing."

oh mason, how does he know how to speak my mind so well

i started my new job today! that's right my NEW job, the latest i get off is 7 and i work as an assisstant manager of an antique/consignment/vendor store...yup. everyone i work with is pretty much over the age of 50...so thats going to be rough, being 21 and their boss. seems to be the story of my life, flashbacks of "hey mom...i mean toni, could you please do this and that and this and that..." role-switching, i actually truly miss those days at kohl's. but this feels so meant to be. maybe if i get less lazy and less school-y i can make some purses and jill (one of my new bosses) will let me put them in a case and sell them. and maybe, just maybe, i'll be doing what i love for the rest of my life. until then, well, this is what i love too.

up the mountain, but its so exciting, but sometimes after all the YSAness of here and the new jobs and the classes of lectures i don't agree with and the old friend memories and the runs on the beach...all i want is a reminder of what it's really all about, and a talk with natalie.

05 October 2006

2 more years.

12 hours in a car with 7 people you don't know can result in the trip of a lifetime. and so it did.
and all day with gracie and archie proves that good friends are few and far between these days, grateful to have some here. girls night 2006. yea baby.

the tears that were so swollen the whole time, a prophet of God. amazing. i'd recommend it.

"what are you waiting for?" that's all he had to say and i was officially scared. he's right, i'm 21 and i want to own my own gallery and teach art history someday, but what i have done? so scared out of my mind i spent the whole day researching museums and jobs that can give me the experience i need. and tomorrow will be spent running around and gathering even more. on top of that i looked up new jobs, got a few to call today, trying to quit starbucks and not live that 80:20 lifestyle, if you know what i mean.

and i stopped by the study abroad booth yesterday...looks like my decision is almost official, Florence, Italy next june and july. yes pah-lease. they'll all be here when i get home right?