ode to a dresser.

So...when I was about 6 months pregnant, Robert and I went searching for a dresser at a thrift store that we could paint and make pretty for a brand new baby arriving soon! We scored at the very first store we looked at and found a beauty for $30! As we drove home squished into the car Robert mentioned a faint smoker smell coming from the dresser. We thought "oh we'll just clean it and paint it and it'll be fine!" little did we know...
So we did just that, I scrubbed and scrubbed and then painted it a nice Martha Stewart warm grey and spray painted the knobs a stark white. Robert added legs purchased from Home Depot to give it the right height to be able to comfortably change a baby's diaper on top. It fit the decor of her room perfectly, I was so happy.

Pictures of how her room once was

 Then one day at 8 months pregnant I went to put in some clothes I had received, and as soon as I opened a drawer I was hit with a disgusting musty smoke smell. Ugh.
So we orange oiled the whole thing and I lined the drawers with some cute contact paper. And carried each drawer up and down the stairs about 3 times in the process (cue huge pregnant lady, 80 degree weather and heavy drawers - I was very uncomfortable)
3 weeks go by, and it happened again. same smell. but at this point I was about 3 days away from having EmmaJane. So I set Robert up for the task of figuring out what to do next! But EmmaJane came sooner than either of us thought so there the dresser sat...and there EmmaJane's clothes sat in a pile on the floor in my room.
When my mom came to visit, she washed and washed and washed. She loved the dresser just as much as me and hated to see it given away. She even painted the whole inside, trying to seal in the smell. Then we read charcoal would work, so we put little pockets of charcoal all throughout the dresser.

crib and diaper closet

At this point I had brought my baby home to a nursery in shambles. The legs wouldn't stay on the dresser, we were trying to air it out, etc. So I would simply change EmmaJane on the floor next to the door, her room was pretty unusable.
2 months went by and one day I decided to test a sweater we had put into a drawer to see if it would smell (as all her other clothes had we had tested before) and EUREKA! no smell!! I was SO happy to get EmmaJane's clothes out of piles in baskets and into a dresser. We could finally use her room like it was meant.

Then the summer heat hit. And one day I went to get EmmaJane from a nap and smelled the all-too familiar smell that Robert had told me he had smelled on and off occasionally but I didn't want to believe him, it had to be over it just had to. But it wasn't.
So, not wanting my baby's clothes being stored in a smokey dresser and not wanting to walk into her room on a hot day and feeling like I just walked into some old smokey lady's house. It was time to replace the dresser.

I.am.so.sad.

It's dumb but this dresser equals EmmaJane's babyhood to me. Sure, it has probably caused a lot more heartache than happiness, but I still can't shake this feeling. My baby turns 1 in two weeks, we moved her crib to the bottom notch AND we're getting rid of her dresser that fit into her nursery so well.

I've been known to cry when I had to spit out a piece of gum I had been chewing for 8 hours (I was 13!), so needless to say I'm sentimental and I attach myself to things easily.
So yes, it's just a dresser, but I am so sad. And yes, I cried.

She's sad too!

On my first baby turning one.

Oh me oh my. This is tough.
When EmmaJane was born it was a whirlwind of excitement. The hospital stay, the first bath, the first poop. I soaked it all in so deep. So deep in fact that I cried when it was time to leave the hospital. I didn't want the excitement to end.
But it didn't! Every new move, every new look, every new trick from her since has been such a crazy happy rush of joy. Just pure joy. So I haven't cried again that anything was coming to an end.
But now I face my BABY turning one. My very first birth, my very first little human I brought into this world is soon no longer going to be a baby. When people ask how old she is, I'll be able to count her age in years. Wow. So now this is hard once again.
A friend of mine who now has a 2 year old and a new baby mentioned she had been able to spend time with just her 2 year old and how it reminded her of old times when it was just them and she realized she missed it. And my heart broke into a million pieces. How am I ever going to first off let EmmaJane turn 2? Second, have another baby to share my love with? Life is insane.
When I had EmmaJane I experienced a new kind of emotion I've never had in my 27 years of life which was the overwhelming love I had for her. And man, now new emotions happen just about everyday from pride in her accomplishments to fear in her tumbles.
I love my little buddy I have in EmmaJane. We make a pretty good pair. And I know I will always have a special bond with her as my first born. She has so many great qualities that I swear I can already see the amazing potential she has, and what a beautiful person she will grow up to be.
And for me to have a hand on that? That's pretty amazing.