Maybe men shouldn't be allowed on campus alone at night.

There's been rapes, and rumors of rapes, and sexual assaults. but all of them were walking alone, in an alley, all after 9pm. It's sad that i believe this but, what were they thinking?? da LBC has definetley proven itself.

17 units, i must be crazy, but not that crazy if you think about it, i'll be done in less than two years this way and then 4 more months of school being a possibility and part time teacher and part time facial girl, i think i could handle that. i love huntington beach, have i ever told you that?

oh mann, between the hours of 1pm and 5:30pm here at Lake Forest Antiques I feel pointless sir, next time i bring le devoir.

Last night it was amazing, truly unbelievable, i was on top of the world. I got to know my new bishop and were fitting me for a reccomend and a blessing. nothing could shake us now, we sat upstairs and shut the door to the questioning going on downstairs, and we talked all night about the glorious gospel and how we are each growing with each other and lifting each other up. goodness she's great. Alma 33:23. i will.


growing with every second, with faith in every footstep, it's like we're modern day pioneers "...the people in whose hearts i have written my law..." that's us!!



on friday, we did the unthinkable. with disneyland passes tomorrow there will be more.

little airplane in the sky

you point up at it, i watch your face as you watch it go by, everything is perfect."

what a picture to paint.


going on 7 days of this ailment that i insisted on ignoring for so long, until it finally came up to me and slapped me with a fever. but sorry, life still goes on. but home this weekend milking every second of my momma's lovin'.

so it's looking more like italy next june, 4 weeks, including venice, rome and london for around 7,000. then mom will meet me and we'll go to paris to practice my parisian knowledge and austria because she loves that castle, and maybe greece to see if its really what it's cracked up to be. but i'll come home to great friends with great stories and a whole new view of what everything is. yea, that's awesome.

empty house. not so empty stomach, its so time for bed.


"where would i be right now, if all my dreams had come true, deep down i know somehow, i would have never seen your face, this world would be a different place..." -mason

nothing in particular, just interesting to think about, how i totally know for so many reasons, why byu and/or chicago were just not for me. singing this to me after longing for columbia so often lately has really got me happy. not to mention short trips home. home.

where the sun had been

can you even believe it's fall already? i can. what a perfect day it was to sit under a tree that was pooping on me, studying art history and listening to Mozart in the dry cool breeze heat of this october day. perfect concentration weather.

tonight i got home and ate an avocado for dinner than headed off to the grocery store to simply look clueless the entire time. who knew baking could be so complicated. well when you're baking for the estimated 100+ people to show up at our little home tomorrow, some stress may be necessary. i hope everyone cleans up their messes and i come home to everything ready. we'll lock our door for sure.

and if i could make one wish come true right now, it would be for this frustration to end. a pleasant yet aggravating surprise last night, on his little skateboard down the street and then sitting so far away. it's almost like the fact that this would be worth it, that is making me stand across the room. quiet as ever.


halloween starts tomorrow. i will live my dream for one evening...shhhh they'll think i'm joking.

whole lotta walkin' to do.

for some reason melted peanut butter is one of my favorite foods. not cold. no, melted. reminds me of sophmore year, my mom used to pick me up from seminary and take me straight to school, she'd bring me a pb&j on toast with a travel mug full of a protein drink every morning. the pb was always plentiful and still warm. i bet you if i added whipping cream and put it in a pan i could make peanut butter fondue, right next to some nutella fondue, and that my friend is perfect dessert party status. i miss the food network.

midterms. right up until this point i really didn't think Long Beach was all that different from Moorpark. and what's even more odd is how relieved i am to figure out how wrong i was.

listening to Something Corporate when i should really blah blah blah....listen the point is this. this song takes me back to that one fourth of july when we sat on the roof of the parking structure with hundreds others of T.O.'s finest playing frisbee and eating otter pops. that's what the summers were about, and 5 new friends and my favorite green day sweatshirt. i don't know what it is that gets me so nostalgic whenever i hear andrew mcmahon's voice. and not to mention the countless disneyland and orange county trips, because we hated the LA scene, now i just love it all. i've given up on hating people/things.


happy 10 years Lake Forest Antiques, you will bring me headaches tomorrow, but after work will be rewarding enough, roommates and new friends. remember, i gave that other thing up. they're so lovely!

i think i've already made up my mind about what to do, shop or museum, but i'll keep the job.

fall, i almost loved you.

maybe i still can. the warm wind and the booming clouds gathering in between of beautiful sunlight, we just watched from inside as it all seemed to slowly creep in. and the drive home was be-a-u-tiful! i had never felt so small before. but as soon as i hit home, the rain, oh the RAIN! huge puddles everywhere, afraid to drive everywhere, parked in a lake and tromped inside to find the ceiling leaking onto our couch, and as i stood doing dishes and making myself an actual meal the lightning struck and the thunder roared...do you think my momma will come spend the night with me?

but rainy nights are really good to get homework done, i have absolutely no desire to be outside, or out of my house but inside still, doing something. socializing. having that infamous HB talk. so burnt out. plus portfolio reviews and midterms are coming up. let's be a good student kari. oh man nights and days like this make me want to go to a museum so bad.

and ohhh the blessing my new job has become, you know what happened today? my boss, aka Dennie, sat down with me and told me that i don't have to ever work sundays unless something comes up with her and she needs to go out of town or something etc. i hugged her and told her she had no idea how much that meant to me. i still don't think she does. everyones warming up to me, slowly yet surely i will have that place organized. bring it.

i saw her yesterday and we talked and it was so wonderful, she laughed at my jokes and i knew what she was thinking and it was all so familiar. "i miss you kari lynn." oh she has no idea how much i yearn for her. my arms tend to ache like a new mothers do for her newborn child. just come here. and the long hug goodbye and the tears in our eyes, we should meet weekly. it's decided, she's my best friend. i would go anywhere with her, anyday and i'd do it all for her in a heartbeat. the least i could do. momma i love you.


i finally got my death cab/jenny lewis tickets in the mail today. phew.

happy halloweenie you weenie.

i have found myself absolutely shocked to realize that it is now weird to me that i used to be her best friend. that we used to be so close. she seems like a complete stranger to me now. is that really her i used to go visit at work and get so excited to hang out with and spend days on end getting lost with and being sarcastic with. was that really her i bought jamba juice for puffy cheeks and spent hours in starbucks with? really?

i spent the evening in the 99 cents store and target buying halloween/fall decorations! yay! i find so much pleasure in being by myself listening to modest mouse decorating this newish home. and last night, i just watched, and it was fabulous. no longer afraid to be alone. thats why it was so pleasant earlier this evening, its all making sense.



that life, that life i had. full of 45 min. school/best friend trips and meeting at jamba before class when we really started to become strangers. that life of full-time kohl's with david and shelley and momma everynight to cry on and trev to chat art with. that life....it's gone. for good. not sure how i feel about this one.

urban tees.

protect that shake dresden. you go girl.




"this whole thing seems strange to me, breaks my heart...to know what that means, it means nothing."

oh mason, how does he know how to speak my mind so well

i started my new job today! that's right my NEW job, the latest i get off is 7 and i work as an assisstant manager of an antique/consignment/vendor store...yup. everyone i work with is pretty much over the age of 50...so thats going to be rough, being 21 and their boss. seems to be the story of my life, flashbacks of "hey mom...i mean toni, could you please do this and that and this and that..." role-switching, i actually truly miss those days at kohl's. but this feels so meant to be. maybe if i get less lazy and less school-y i can make some purses and jill (one of my new bosses) will let me put them in a case and sell them. and maybe, just maybe, i'll be doing what i love for the rest of my life. until then, well, this is what i love too.


up the mountain, but its so exciting, but sometimes after all the YSAness of here and the new jobs and the classes of lectures i don't agree with and the old friend memories and the runs on the beach...all i want is a reminder of what it's really all about, and a talk with natalie.

2 more years.

12 hours in a car with 7 people you don't know can result in the trip of a lifetime. and so it did.
and all day with gracie and archie proves that good friends are few and far between these days, grateful to have some here. girls night 2006. yea baby.

the tears that were so swollen the whole time, a prophet of God. amazing. i'd recommend it.


"what are you waiting for?" that's all he had to say and i was officially scared. he's right, i'm 21 and i want to own my own gallery and teach art history someday, but what i have done? so scared out of my mind i spent the whole day researching museums and jobs that can give me the experience i need. and tomorrow will be spent running around and gathering even more. on top of that i looked up new jobs, got a few to call today, trying to quit starbucks and not live that 80:20 lifestyle, if you know what i mean.


and i stopped by the study abroad booth yesterday...looks like my decision is almost official, Florence, Italy next june and july. yes pah-lease. they'll all be here when i get home right?

the terror.

i just walked out. and i sat on a bench and i cried. i could barely even believe that she would show us that. why would i ever subject myself to that. funny that i kinda knew it'd be ok for me not to go to class today, but i went anyway, and left. once the hymn started playing in my head the tears started to swell and i couldn't believe the overwhelmingly obvious absence of the spirit, the same one that was far away yelling at me to walk away, just walk away!
i guess that's what they call real, i guess that's what they call teaching lessons, and sure i did, i will never be that girl, i will never be such an object. but i knew that thank you, and i almost believe that watching that was just as bad as anything you're trying to teach me.
modest girls are the hottest girls. gosh i love the gospel.



utah in 6 hours.

over it.

i'm just writing this as a reminder to just live my life and love what i love because it's me and i love it, and to say what i say because its me and i love it, and to be a hermit like i love, because it's me and i love it. take that pierside.

strange how at home i am here. considering.

constant battles

so i'm paying for it, making the mistakes of having fun on the weekends, sitting stressed over 5 pieces of paper i have to turn in on thursday with some of my most intellectual work on them, just to see if i'll make it in that capstone class...to graduate someday.
and the gym waits. and the phonecalls wait. and the sunny day will slip away.

but the weekend was great, friday was karaoke like never before, and saturday with that little almost 5 year old i'm beginning to find it hard to recognize anymore and then a party almost like the old times, almost. part of it is gone, well we are, and it was almost diffucult, but there's new friends and closer friends that i love so much more that a drive home helped me recognize.



but I'm going to Utah this weekend! yep, yep off to p-town with some of my new found friends. but i'll stay with the golden ones. and maybe, just maybe i'll go to conference. not just watch it on TV and fight my closing eyes, no, no, go and be in the presence of a prophet of God, oh how i hope this will be.

sick. sick. SICK.

so it's struck me once again, stopped me dead in my path to recovery, almost like it was sayin' "i don't think so little lady." so work thinks i'm a slacker and school is going to suffer, but in the meantime, i'll sit TV-less in my empty house dieing for a jamba juice.

but tomorrow and this weekend will bring good tides. i know it.



Constantly in my prayers for the family of 14...can you imagine the posterity he has left behind, taken at a time that just feels necessary. the pain, the tears that have been felt by all for their loving mother. i learned to love her all those nights at kohl's with her 15% off coupons she never had. and now she faces the hardest thing our Heavenly Father has ever asked her to do. i know how it is to lose, not so suddenly, but i will offer my words and thoughts and lessons i have been taught over these past 10 years and hope that they will be comforted and pulled through this, oh please let them seek out wisdom in this.

similar issues. almost.

so i sat in class on tuesday almost getting teary eyed by the thought of Nils, and Frank, and Gigi, and even that poli. sci. jerk. why is it that i'm so dissapointed by my new professors? i mean they're actual professors. but it could be better. i find myself uninspired and doodling in my margins to keep some artistic stimulation going. so do i search for a new school? or do i tough it out and really search next semester? ask around, talk to my counselor. or is this just all a sign for the worst, that i'm just not cut out for this art history thing. but what about my gallery, and my curator job at the MOCA? it has all felt so right for so long, now this? and then i think what about nutrition? or fashion? or skin? but i'm so far so i'll get my bachelor's and maybe sign up for that watercolor class at the community center and see what my heart says then. and for tonight, i'll just go shake it like a polaroid picture.

come on in.

Can you even believe it? Reason number 456816 to love Ventura.






oh the familiarity, oh the reliability. what simple pleasures being around those that know you better than anyone you've seen in about 3 weeks. oh the joy. using all of natalie's new toys and cooking dinner with her, i'll just live vicariously through her until it happens for me...oh my favorite little home maker.

and i'm going home tomorrow, home. now i'll tell you it's strange because all in all i'm not what you would call "homesick" more of what you would call "lovesick". if that makes sense. but this place is getting lovelier and lovelier. can you even imagine it.

experience number one of procrastination today. oh school, now that i see that brighter side, i think i'm almost done.



one letter. ten months. their words. oh what does this all mean.

oh the fresh air.

Standing in line at the bookstore watching Forest Gump and getting teary-eyed because Tom Hanks has that effect on me.
Sitting in my room watching a slideshow and the tears falling because true love has that effect on me.



so it was only half a day, but it was a day at least, a breath of fresh air it is really, to be amongst them, to be apart of them. $300 dollars of art supplies and one French book later and i have this...my prayers have been answered.


"Just step aside and let go of the door handle and i'll let you in. Let me help you." and He has.





GO BEACH.

eat this.

i don't know why i always pick at my toe nails when i check my internet at night, well it's usually at night. i have a strong feeling it might be the tiredness and frustration within myself that i am not just simply going to bed.


running on the beach in the morning keeps the doctor away.
starbucks and a new haircut keep kari sane.


but the regret is lying deep within me for not making the traffic-y treck home tonight to see myself displayed for all to see at sir Alex's photography exhibit/show. i'm sorry friend, but know that you are loved.


HB. is for me.

dayumm...

loving ballerinas.



it seems to me that the black eyed peas are molding the way people talk. maybe it wasn't them, i don't know, but i'm slowly learning to dislike, yet love it all.

so i lied, i'm home still. but one more official week with luey seems alright. even though he hasn't moved from my long pillow all morning, he's working on his new mold, a new comfy spot. i think he knows whats going on, when i moved out my first boxes and things started becoming bare, he ran into my arms. little does he know it's not utah this time.

jury duty tomorrow and i think i'm just excited to have an excuse to sit and read all day without guilt of moving and/or saying goodbye looming over my head. i dont even get why people feel like they have to say goodbye to me, i'll still be kari, i'll still be in california, but i'll live next to the beach, so really i should be saying goodbye, come to me from now on. oh self-glory at it's finest.

aardvark's. nachos. fhe. more sleep. allergies are taking an all time high on the drowsiness factor.

tomorrow.

it's extremely magical about prancing around disneyland in a poofy blue skirt and homemade wings. it really didn't matter that there was occassional tension, which is just expected when hanging out with some work friends you don't know all that well. but i'll admit i woke up with the same love in my heart i've had all along for those 4 girlies. i miss them already.


i won a lottery that i will have to payback within 5 years...student loans, the new story of my life.
ok starbucks, teach me your devilish ways...just promise to make my car payments.


tomorrow.

an alternate universe.

phot cred: alex martinez

(i got my picture taken today by maybe the best photographer i know of, he's the best.)



panic mode. it officially set in about 20 minutes ago. realizing i have yet to pack anything. and to top it all off, i'm being so obsessive compulsive over my princess-fairy-cinderella outfit for disneyland on thursday, that i don't have time to pack, i need to have the most perfect fairy wings and skirt and shirt, and don't forget all those plans i've made, that are so hard to cancel. why oh why am i such a perfectionist suddenly? i hope this passes.
so it will be a gradual move, a very gradual move. i think i'm ok with that. driving back and forth from huntington beach about 5 times next week. please pray for Nona.



shedding tears for the first time in weeks, i almost forgot what we had, what it was, as time will let me. knowing i've chosen the right path.

unlucky sometimes.

sometimes i stop and think and realize i don't even know these people anymore.