where are you now?

displaced.

i didn't have much of an appetite today, but feeling so low, i ate those sticky buns anyways.

you know the feeling? when you've been crying on and off for so long that your stomach just aches, and everything about you feels soggy. i just never thought she'd do this to ME, we're supposed to be best friends, i dont know what's happened.
i can't even think about anything without the tears welling up.
i know of nothing to do now.

i'm trying to finish this purse...it's not even how i wanted it. but i feel so empty today.



a new pair of glasses for me soon. i am old.

dang Georgia.

"you asked me, how are you baby?
i said, it's raining in Athens."

don't sing your child christmas carols, you're going to mess her up.

i make dang good ham sandwiches. dang Georgia.


ima little heart broken today. by those that surround me.

i'm sorry i'm happy, i guess that was in store.

i love me again.



i want to go home baby.

we have lovers.

thursday was absolutely wonderful. the MOCA is such a prized place in my heart. i don't think i've ever been so excited to eat in my life. el torito style.

one more day of working. i went running this morning and had to stop. because i am a woman. and my body would simply not allow that this morning. nonsense.

"we dont have time to watch t.v.
we read books
we go to museums
we have lovers."

-Tatiana speaking for her and I when another co-worker was asking us about a television show. love it.


my pancake is ready.

wide wide open

meet da baby.



i consider myself lucky for not falling off last night. maybe it was the stiff as a board trick that worked. maybe that explains my stiff neck today.

so you want to know what it's like to be me today?
i love working out to ghetto music.
i love painting and getting frustrated and walking to the student store to buy yogurt to soothe my pain.
i love shopping at target and buying new colors.
i love my managers at work, they love me and help me out to see my love, because they know it makes me happy, and they want that because they love me. and i make them cookies.
i love driving home in grey skies, before the down-pour.
i love baby faces, one in particular, to distract me.
i love family dinners on week nights.

i LOVE LIFE.
don't let me forget that.

almost more than that i love being a woman. i eat lots of chocolate and have an irresistable yearning for babies. i always do, but now more than normal. i swear its more often than not.

i don't mean maybe

saturday we watched to union of two new lovers now sealed for time and all eternity. i barely know them and i know they are perfect. that's an amazing feeling.

there is a new face in my house. a short smiley one who giggles at the sight of her dad, convincing us all that she thinks hes goofy lookin'. good food, good cookies and my new favorite love in my arms, i was in heaven lugging her around and bouncing her on my lap, twisty turny maneuvers to grab another cookie without her eating it first. we're best friends now, she told me so. amanda marie, i love you. oh babies.

my brother goes to Art Center in Pasadena. i can't even describe how awesome he is. the news of a lifetime. that means this fall will include many trips to pasadena to vicariously live through him and grasp as much of his education that i can. congratulations.

first sunday in a long time i have to work. me no likey.


i'm sorry i'm moody, i'm sorry i overreact, i'm sorry i don't think clearly sometimes.

i'm going to vegas.

it's been a long day of reading and falling asleep in public. but with that saved by the bell filled drive to fill my veins with coca-cola i can finally stay awake and study those contemporary urban issues like i've been needing to. there's something about the word contemporary and the word urban that excite me. alot like love.

i didn't even realize i hadn't eaten all day until i finished my nachos. from baja fresh. i'm sorry i'm such a heffer.

ok ok i'll read now, but dont make me sit on the creeky creeky bed, no no i say i won't do it.
to the couch with me.

we finished the chocolates. i love these nights, i really do.


las vegas: april 6-8. i am 21.

you do likewise.

so yesterday as i sat in the breakroom at work, not on my break but doing what i do best...wasting time. Tatiana came in and handed me what just might be the best gift this girl will ever get. An art book she wanted in good hands, a pendant from Greece, a good luck charm so my eyes will always stay healthy, and best of all, a kiss on my cheek. "Happy Birthday Gigi." she calls me Gigi, its a saying that means, "lovely young lady" as she told me once. its kind of embarassing, but i let her call me whatever she wants. i LOVE her. she's taught me more than she'll ever know.

i will go to Europe, i will live there. i will see these paintings "in their originality" as she wishes for me. i will live my dreams.

and then i helped an older gentlemen with the thickest Southern accent i had ever heard, and it made me nearly faint right there at the cash-wrap.
"have a good day!!"
"you do likewise."
can you imagine it? the drawl and compassion and true honesty in that simple statement out of his mouth...it gives me goosebumps.

but first. strawberry yogurt. yessss.

now that's orange chicken.

this weekend was awesome. i got paid to hang out with my love the whole time. laugh factory, liv's party, the temple, lazy sundays. aaaahh the life.

so lately, and by lately i mean 21 years. i haven't been so sure how i feel about myself. that may sound strange, but think about it, how do you feel about yourself? so i've been evaluating and evaluating, and dont worry i'm no where near a right answer. but i do know the parts of me i am sure about, and i do love. so i'm keeping those. stay strong in the gospel, lift up those around me, love everything.

i do love bobby darin.

i do love dancing.

so now i will eat this cadbury egg and not look at the pooch my stomach will be afterwards. because i know i'm worth more than that, i know who i'm striving to be. and theyre not going to slow me down that way anymore.


there is a bunk-bed in my room, luey has tried to commit suicide twice tonight, this is going to be a long month.

extra peachy

It all seemed to start yesterday when the photo date was wrong at Chuck-E-Cheese
Me and Liv really were birthday twins.
Getting all the tickets we could, just for the sake of doing it.
Angelic faces to kiss.
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face, to turn 21 in 4 hours...
Showered, got ready, my birthday outfit, alwasy the best one of the year.
I was going to be the latest I had been yet this semester, but it's my birthday
Some frost on my window, my day is def. not in spring this year, bummer.
A good morning-birthday wish from my drowsy love. Starting the day off right.
Such a good work out, and some paint on my hands taking the gardenia I've been looking forward to all semester. White and pure, like today. Thanks Frank.
So many text messages, so many voice mails, realizing, i am loved. They do think about me as often as i do them.
The light within all of them truly shined into my heart.
And there's Becca. i love her spirit.
And there's Mega, almost forgetting and I couldnt help but laugh. i love her.
And there's Dusty, so far away, i miss him.
Loves, loves, loves. a million more it seemed.
California Pizza Kitchen. I was saving my appetite all day to savor those slices of pure genius. i love them. Don't forget my peach lemonade. extra peachy.
The mall, the girls, Build-A-Bear. They are very 4 and 3.
"Are you having a boy?" yes, she thought i was pregnant. i'll have caution the next time i wear that dress. officially in my 20s when that is conceivable.
"Auntie Kari, my next birthday i will be 4!"
"yea thats right Liv, and i'll be 22..........Thanks."
Harsh reality. bitter-sweet.
Home. More birthday love. Myspace style, so sweet.
My heart is glowing.
Birthday cake and ice cream in my room, it IS my birthday.
Quick nap. Mike called. One and a half weeks there will be a baby in my home. i long for that girl.



Remember who you are kari. Remember who you love. He has given you blessings. Learn to keep you head up. Stop cycling through this.


"Happy Birthday Darling, we love you very very very very very very much."

sorry if this was all a big ego trip on my part. but i needed it.

life is beautiful. thursday will be a good day.






"i really like the original flavor of Trident. it brings me back to being 8 years old. which i like even more."
-Me

"Nike says you are an individual. Here, where this t-shirt."
-Nils Slattum

Happy International Women's Day.


ART: Kai Althoff

you left your shoes.

it's been about .5 seconds since this weekend ended. i didn't think it would be this clear.

it all started with a little rain and a yellow rose, now i'm left with clear skys and a scent still so strong.

birthdays are for the best of us. tacos, funfetti, lemonade, love of the family persuasion. a new sewing machine and an easier way to pass the time. i really enjoyed their hugs today, just the nearness of them. two pieces of cake may have been a mistake. somethings rotten, and stomach aches.
you left your shoes.

my heart is a thouroughbread.

so were half way into the chillest weekend i've had ever. looking onto the chillest week ever, because the second week in march always is.

olive garden with fettucine and two friends i couldn't be happier for. this is the life i tell you. be happy, live happily, think happily, love happily.

im almost counting the hours until i get to be at home with my family and show off my love and eat tacos and drink lemonade. sundays are definetley my favorite day of the week.

i hear its sunny outside today...we wouldn't know.



we live in a beautiful world, yea we do, yea we do.



photo cred: George Mobley, Chile 1972

Suprise Ice

i just ate a piece of toast to simply make myself warm after my ice cold bowl of rice chex and bananas. but it was worth it.

desperately trying to keep a clear outlook on things today. despite words and/or thoughts and/or actions that are trying to tear me down. trying to tear this spirit down. what happened here. my thoughts have been so consumed, its almost like going on vacation and coming home and realizing life has moved on without you. well thats the school side of it at least. work is a slap in the face, and home is getting tougher, for all of us. sunshine, roses, art, music...keep me sane. i hate whining, but this shouldnt be seen as that, more of a look at what the adversary can try to do while your happy. keep your head up beautiful.

a wonderful weekend ahead of me after just one more night of working...

i'm moving to vienna.

there are really few things in this world i tend to despise, here are a few: overdressing on what you think will be a rainy day, then the sun bakes on your huge wool sweater causing you to sweat on your way to class, a.k.a. my confused body parts dont know if its cold or hot outside; judge shows/maury povich, daytime t.v. in general is of the devil; and finally afternoon naps that are supposed to last 30 minutes max, but drag on for 2 hours.

feeling groggy and somewhat washed up, it's 5:10 in the evening and the sun is still outside, i know what this means, summer is coming, or at the least, spring.

21 in one week. oh where has the time gone.

a witness.

i am blessed.

torrential down-pour. the streets were like glass reflecting beautiful color after beautiful color. the slowest of slow times at work. if only they knew (or cared) why i keep skipping today. soggy socks, a wet nose, feet heaters are of the gods. nobody at school, nobody in the store, funny how Southern California shuts down on these days.

i am tired, i am sore, i am thirsty, i am restless, i am loved. and i love.



photo cred: me, rte. 101, feb 2006

we are always more than our pain.

There's something depressing about eating an orange ,standing in your kitchen, alone. I'm sick of being alone.

So those little 6th grade insecurities of mine showed their heads when they began discussing bowling, which I was never invited to, which I'm never invited to, not that I would go, but I really thought they liked me.

Naked ladies in the bathroom, receipts thrown at me, 60 something men hitting on me, getting off early because my manager has compassion on my soul...all in a days work.




I mean, we've had crushes before, but "nothing this severe."

Tomorrow the sun will shine again, on us.


Photo Cred: Me, Silver Strand, CA feb 2006

9 to 5:30.

an overwhelming sense of joy in my heart. i can feel it in my bones! He knows who we are. pushing me out of bed before the sun teetered over the mountain, an adrenaline rush at 6am. my battery ran out but it didn't matter. my head was consumed with joyful thoughts.

i ran out of cotton candy, so i've turned to an older strawberry, i can't stop licking my lips. ick.

faithfulness. that's a simple word. alot like love.

coca-cola. i love you.

The Refining Fire

theres sand in my pen today...making it a little more diffucult than usual.

grapefruit juice is of the gods. kings of convenience and my ear phones really are hurting my wittle ears today. i bet the cayman islands are nice today.

i am sitting next to the most gorgeous pink gardenia i think i've ever seen. thanks frank.

"The blessings of eternity will surely come to those who endure refining, as the Lord himself taught, "He only is saved who endureth unto the end." I testify that Jesus is the Christ and the Divine Redeemer. He lives! His are the sweet words of eternal life."
-James E. Faust

there's a pain in there today. i said it, it came out, now i know why. i havent been making sure, i havent been true to myself. i have to keep reading it, i cant do this alone.



this is just in: humans were made to reproduce.

come home.

what do you mean its under-developed but has some potential?? english papers, pshh.

sandy beach, lots of blankets and a literature book. sure, we got some studying done. Sunsets are always better in Port Hueneme.

it's winter again. a happy warm home again. this fall has become a reality.

"...and let thy love abound unto all men, and unto all who love My name."
somewhere in 2 Nephi.

life may suck until Sunday comes again.

20 degrees.

"with these things there's no tellin, we just have to wait and see. but i'd rather be workin for a paycheck than waitin to win the lottery, besides maybe this time its different, i mean i really think you like me."

woke up to a crinkly-crankle and soft hum of a boy playing the piano in his home. the snow outside was glistening from the blue sky. our cold breath and i couldnt do anything but watch him struggle to get us home. success and cold hands down a familiar hill.


current obsessions: strawberry yogurt and Rob's Cape Honey Wheat Pretzels. that is all.

happy-eee-heee...

do you ever eat a whole apple and then think...where'd the sticker go?

a whole box of conversation hearts will make you sick.

baja fresh and two bowls of ice cream will too.


running, thinking of one and one only, knealing on the side of the road, eyes clenched tight. i love being a woman. this one wouldve been healthy i just know it.



Photo cred: me, J.Paul Getty museum fall 2005

the Getty in the sun-shiny spring, i am going there someday.